I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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