he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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