I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
