i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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