Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
