considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
