I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
