Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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