Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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