This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
