you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
