I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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