How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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