My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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