I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
