Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
