Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
