The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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