Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
