next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
