How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
