i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
