so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had sex on a roof
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
