The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
