The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
