Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
