so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
