I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
