I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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