You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
