I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
