I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
