Too much gin, very little bucket
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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