My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
