is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
