beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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