I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
where am i from again
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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