she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no, he came in my armpit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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