Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you win again, gameday.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
