Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
