fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
