I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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