RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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