I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
