I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
