You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
