just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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