and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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