shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We left the knife in your bed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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