So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
