when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
