So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
