Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
