I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize