She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
