Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
